Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
