Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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