she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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