all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
