Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
