we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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