I hate all girls vehemently.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
