I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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