its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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