The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
