Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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