my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
