we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
