a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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