We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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