Don't you send me to vm
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
