I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
