My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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