Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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