so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
