he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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