you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
