I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
