I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
FUCK WHALES
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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