and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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