My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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