Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
