Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
