I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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