haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
