Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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