i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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