You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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