Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
