if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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