My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
