Cold hands, warm shart.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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