i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
