By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
