I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
