First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
