bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
