Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
