Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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