If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
