I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
