So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
