At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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