I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
