yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
