I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
