there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
