The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dicks are not precious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
